Stop coping

You’ve Done Enough Coping

This is the antithetical post where your therapist tells you to stop coping with things.  Today I want to reflect upon a clinical observation I have made in practice over the years, as well as in the world around me.  I want to debunk some of the most popular psychological advice and offer my own based on my own clinical readings, learning and experience.  I do, of course, caveat this with- if it doesn’t feel right or healthy for you, don’t follow it- and- consult your therapist about it before making any radical changes to your behavior. That said:

I want you to stop coping.  I will say it again: Stop. Coping.  Stop distracting yourself from your problems, numbing yourself to your pain, filling up emptiness with things.  Creatives, these things are not meant to be permanent solutions to your problems! They are, at best, temporary survival mechanisms that do not (I repeat NOT) serve you well in the long term.  If you want to heal, and you are truly ready and able to do the work, it is time to feel the feelings you are protecting yourself from.  There is no other way to move forward.

I want to acknowledge that it is not always the right time to do this, and coping mechanisms are survival skills when life comes at us too hard, too fast and too harsh to deal with.  They are good for that for awhile.  Sometimes you can cordon off some of your pain to coping skills and take out smaller things to feel and deal with- and this is an important accompanying skill (read: emotional boundaries!) and so we see evolutionarily coping skills and protective mechanisms have an important function- but they by definition are preventing you from dealing with your emotional baggage, which, by definition is weighing you down. So: stop. With. The. Coping.

The reality is this will mean pain for you. The reality is, this will mean struggling. But that is life! Life is struggle and survival and emotional ups and downs.  They give us perspective, meaning and allow us to grow. As long as we continue to protect ourselves from it, we are staying stagnant and not allowing ourselves to come into living our fullest, best lives. 

And that’s it for today, Creative! Another parsimonious nugget to let roll around in your brain.  Assuming you accept this idea with me, the logical next step is: “how do I do the work?” Luckily for you, you know a therapist!  Let’s talk about some strategies for you in session.​

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