A Series of Good Decisions

Like begets like.  Positive energy attracts other positive energy.  This is the concept I am interested in today.  Though there are many different lenses, we are going to think about this idea as a series of good decisions.

As a therapist I will always tell you to “do your best” and most often, this is enough.  I am not alone in this advice-  D.W. Winnicott famously explored the “good enough mother”- I am telling you that if you consistently do your best it will probably be enough to reach your goals.  When I am telling you this, I am relying on “your best”  not being a singular event. As a therapist, I am relying on one “best” choice being connected to many others, with the ultimate goal of “right place right time” experiences.  I believe life can be how we create it to be- not just a series of coincidences, though it is also that. 

Here is an example of what I mean.  Often I work with my patients on building better/healthier/stronger support systems.  Let’s say this is your goal.  You make one good decision to follow your local neighborhood group on social media.  From following the feed as part of your good decision to stay dedicated to this goal, you see a thread where you have something in common with some other neighbors which in turn leads you to a group chat.  You determine based on the content of the thread this is safe and looks promising to pursue.  From the group chat you find some of your neighbors with whom you have much in common have a regular get-together that also is safe and something you decide to try.  You go to the event and feel good about it.  One of the members invites you meet some of their friends and attend something in the community.  You accept.  At the event you feel synergy, support and safety.  Over time this grows and you have added significantly to your support system.

It is a simple chain of events, but in each decision above you did your “best” to make the right choice towards your goal, each time picking a pot of variables that are healthier, and more likely to therefore present in a combination that is good for you (the part that is “chance”).  In this way you can control, guide and create your outcomes- by always doing your “best.”  You are making a series of good decisions that serially change circumstances and probability in your favor. It is working with, not against, chaos, nature, fate, destiny- whatever forces you believe are at work in your life.  How you direct the flow of choices matters!

And it starts internally.  We behave based on what we believe.  So, in therapy work on what you tell yourself, your inner belief system, and what is true.  Open your mind to what you can create as true.  Create some new possibilities and change in your life. 

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